Care, Don't Carry.

It’s been said life comes in bunches. If one appliance breaks down, so will another. If you have a big project to complete at work, you’re bound to receive a call from the school nurse because your child is sick. When one friend calls with a health crisis, before you know it another person is talking to you about their recent diagnosis. Next thing you know, you snap at someone for drinking the last of the milk in the frig or at the dog for running full steam through the house with the squeaky toy.

Yep, your plate is full.

Sometimes it’s not even the major stuff. It’s a build up of little annoyances that have a way of pushing us to our tipping point. A driver cuts us off from our exit lane, the neighbor refuses to cut their grass, and then we stub our toe on the stack of boxes in the garage. We slam the door a little harder than we mean to or cut short a conversation for no apparent reason other than we just have reached our limit.

When your plate is full… care, don’t carry.

What’s that mean?

• Care for yourself, don’t carry on like everything is okay when it’s not. 
• Care for what you can, don’t carry guilt because of what is left undone.
• Care for people with love, don’t carry responsibility that is not yours.
• Care for burdens, don’t carry the weight.
  

Living your best life is not nice, neat, fit and trim. It’s messy, bunched up and a mystery at times. At these times, we do well to keep our eyes on the one who cares AND carries us.

Since God cares for you, let him carry all your burdens and worries. I Peter 5:7

Navigating a Re-set

Burned once, shame on you. Burned twice, shame on me. A familiar quote to most of us, and usually spoken out of a place of pain and disappointment. We trusted someone and was hurt again. Most oft' it is the beginning of the end of a relationship. 

Yesterday I talked with a friend who had recently been hurt. As she shared, I prayed for her. I wanted her heart healed and a positive way forward. Too many people get angry and never move to a point of being able to resolve their differences. 

We talked about boundaries. While I am am an advocate for healthy boundaries in relationships, I often think the way we create and manage boundaries is faulty. We have been hurt and our reaction is to gain control in the situation to prevent future pain. The processes we utilize to control are faulty because they rarely if ever bring healing and most often lead to less freedom. We can't do this or that and all of a sudden there are all types of self-protective measures we are taking that do not heal and do not bring freedom. We're trapped in a prison of boundaries we've created. 

Rather than usurping control, what if we looked at boundaries as a way to define ourselves and bring definition to our relationships? 

Consider and define:

1) What went wrong?  What is the source of pain? Clearly define what happened. The expectations, the injustice, the offense. 

2) What is my perspective? Define your expectations. How realistic are they?   

3) What is the other perspective? Objectively remove the personal aspect, and set it on the table to look at it from different angles. Sometimes it takes a friend to help you do this.

4) Who am I? Who do I really want to be in this relationship or situation? What's most important? 

5) How can the issue be resolved or managed best? What can be adjusted to work it out?   State thoughts specifically and cooperatively. 

6) When can we talk? You'd be amazed what you might hear if you bring an honest and open mind to the conversation. 

It was a great joy to receive a text this afternoon that my friend was able to have a conversation with the person who had hurt her. They talked openly and made some adjustments in their relationship. She was excited to have navigated a re-set and to not lose a friend. 

Living our best lives will include crucial conversations with people along the way. It means facing the difficult situations and pushing re-set within ourselves and our relationships as much as we can to be at peace. This is the way we genuinely live free. 





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Ten Favorites

Enjoy the little things in life for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things. Kurt Vonnegut

Birthdays have a way of bringing out the best in life. From the 7 am happy birthday serenade to the handwritten happy birthday post-it note from a seven year old to all the various calls, messages, gifts, and hugs that came to me today... I have been loved well on my birthday.  

In the spirit of celebrating, I am posting ten favorite moments in the first ten months of 2016. 

January: Always a special moment when your child lights up the stage.

February: When a sleepover turns into a puppy adoption.

 











 March: Watching father and son discover a beaver dam. 
 

April: Backyard transformation: trees down, fence up, and garden planted.

May: The inaugural Light a Candle Award was a very special moment.

 

June: Walking the beaches, realizing how deep, long, wide, high and true God's love is.

July: Investing purpose and leadership in 63 young people's lives at Project Timothy.

August: Thankful for family visits and spontaneous days to adventure in our city. 

September: Living compassionate, generous lives... loving as we've been loved.

October: Playing in this wonderful world we've been given. 

Your turn. What are you celebrating this year? Living your best life is stopping to celebrate often!







 

Remembering and Treasuring

"So I felt, and I loved, and I sang." Natascha Georgeff 

This week's blog comes from a dear friend of mine. She shared this post via Facebook last week and I found it to be inspiring on so many levels. 

To appreciate it fully, it's important for you to understand that she has left her job, family, and home - moving across the country to support her daughter in receiving several weeks of treatment for Lyme disease. 

Let the words of Natascha Georgeff encourage you to find the best of life in the hardest chapters you walk through. 

Afternoon coffee and cake; this cultural ritual runs deep. I love it. Taking time to reflect on the day, unpacking little treasures, otherwise unnoticed and thus lost. 

One of such treasures involved the youngest daughter of an Amish mother and patient at the Clinic. This little 5 year old girl brought a beautifully hand illustrated song book over to me, climbed on my lap and began singing nursery rhymes and bible songs. She kept turning the pages and filled the room with her sweet voice when I suddenly realized that I was reading a vaguely familiar German tune, written in Pennsylvania Dutch yet familiar enough for me to break out in song, her little voice joining in. So here we were, strangers, yet connected by tradition and memories stored in the recesses of my soul - stirring emotions I didn't even know were there to feel. 

So I felt, and I loved, and I sang. And I realize that coffee and cake made me see this encounter for what it truly is: a gift of remembering. And treasuring. And I would have missed it if I had not taken time to reflect on my day.  

Living your best life is being present in the moment. Maybe we all would be served a little better if we stopped to connect with strangers. And if we stopped for afternoon coffee and cake. However you find to do it, make sure to stop and enjoy your life each and every day. 

To learn more and to support Ilana's Medical Mountain, click here. May your life spill over in generosity to this family in need of miracles.

Audacious Hope

 Hope grows in the most surprising places
From the midst of pain and chaotic spaces

A virtue and an anchor
In the heart it will stir

Hope arises like a daisy in the daylight.

Don’t let your heart be overcome by fear
Instead set your eyes on that which is dear

A purpose and a promise
That you can’t shake or dismiss

Hope arises like a daisy in the daylight.

Today is not the end, there is further to go
One step at a time and soon you will know

A dawn and a grace
It will brighten the face

Hope arises like a daisy in the daylight.