Several years ago my daughter and I went on an adventure tour on the North Shores of Hawaii and tried out paddle boarding. We got our boards and entered the bay with our fellow tourist companions; including an experienced Australian who shared a few tips after Natalie went overboard and a honeymooning couple who were going in circles as we finally made our way out into the deeper water.
After an hour on the beautiful paradise waters, it was time to turn back in order to get on the bus for our return trip. As we arrived back in the bay, we came upon the hilarious sight of the honeymooners still circling the bay! I guess it was good they were in love, because they sure didn't make any progress that afternoon.
There was no learning a new sport without getting the board and paddle into the water. And there is no moving forward in our lives to a goal or a dream without starting somewhere and living it.
Our final post in this series is the simple, but often the most challenging aspect in our lives... lead yourself in the flow. We have our Source, our Direction is set, we are in the Current, and the banks are established... what's left is the daily living out of life. Moving from head knowledge to actualizing our values and priorities in the daily rhythm of life.
So often, we get stuck right here; circling in the bay of life.
Waiting for something to happen.
Waiting to understand.
Waiting to be or feel more ready.
Waiting for someone else.
Waiting because we want the end results without the steps to get us there.
Living with good intentions, but never transitioning to living with intentionality.
The reality is.... we could all wait forever and never get anywhere in life. Not that there is never a season for waiting; but even so, that is an intentional time with specific things you do or don't do for a reason.
Rather than waiting... how about we start? Do one thing.
I'll never forget the advice given to me by a financial planner years ago. After my appointment and putting together my plan, I looked at the advisor and asked him what I was supposed to do now. He looked at me and responded, "What are you going to do today? Your life is really just a series of today's all strung together." And he's right.
Live today. Wake up tomorrow and live your today again. If you can learn to live intentionally for a day, you can for a week and so on. For some of you, it starts even smaller... if you can plan and work effectively for an hour, you can work effectively for a morning.
Living your best life means living with intentionality. One day at a time. One step at a time.
Now, go do something.
If you have hung around a toddler lately, you have probably heard a clear, definitive "No!" as they have expressed themselves. The all familiar boundary-setting "No" is a clear sign of a young one's burgeoning growth, independence, and identity.
Knowing who we aren't is just as important as knowing who we are.
This week we talk about the importance of having "banks" to the river of your life; or in other words, boundaries. Without banks, a river cannot serve a purpose or reach a destination. In fact, a river without banks is actually dangerous as it flows into unintended places and can cause a lot of damage.
Without clearly defined "no's", your "yes's" are not bringing you anywhere in life.
I think our tendency as we navigate decisions in life is to fall into extremes on this. We either go too wide with our "yes's" and desire to do everything or too narrow with our "no's" and protecting our precious time and resources. Neither serve us well in fulfilling our life purpose.
How do you build adequate banks to harness the power, presence, and purpose of your life?
Define your yes's. Consider and write down...
- Your source, direction, and current (Parts 1-3 of these series).
- Your greatest strengths (if you don't know - take a gifts, personality, and/or strengths assessment)
- Your passions, dreams, and desires (if you could do anything...)
Define your no's. Consider and write down...
- What is draining your life right now. (look at your calendar, checkbook, energy)
- Your weaknesses or challenges. (where are you functioning that is hard)
- What doesn't fit with your yes's.
Consider the why's.
Sometimes the obvious answer isn't the right one. Be willing to go a little deeper and know why you are doing what you are doing and how you will be most effective.
Process outloud.
Too often, we try to figure this out in our brains and it just whirs with all the options. Call a friend, talk to a significant other, contact a coach (hey - that's me!) and you'll be amazed how much clearer life is when you have someone to listen and reflect back to you.
Here's to living your best life in the flow and within the banks of purpose and fulfillment. What's your next step today?
What makes a beach vacation complete? Riding a boogie board and catching the waves! There is no thrill like letting the current carry you!
Whether it's an exciting ride on the waves or a peaceful one on the lazy river at the pool, going with the current is the quickest and most relaxing way of moving forward.
On the other hand, it is quite a different experience when we choose to navigate against the current. It is hard work and takes a lot of effort!
I've found that cooperating with the seasons of my life is a lot like finding the current in a river and letting it carry me in the direction I am headed. When I find life is really hard, one of the first places I look at is my season, and ask - Am I resisting the natural flow of my life right now?
Seasons in our lives are determined by a lot of factors, a few to consider...
- single or married?
- kids and what ages?
- sickness and health limitations?
- educational or career demands?
- financial situation?
- family and friend relationships?
- stress level?
Once we look at these areas realistically, we can find the current to provide the natural flow and energy for our lives. Living in sync is what I like to call it. A place where we stop comparing ourselves against others who are in a totally different season in their lives and that irrational unwritten standard we self-erect in our brains. You know... that voice that tells us we simply are 'not enough'... not doing enough and not good enough.
We free ourselves from the tyranny of idealism and embrace the freedom of realism.
A season that I have personally had to be real with myself is in being a single parent. I think I have resisted it primarily because it wasn't one I ever wanted to be in. And secondly, because it's one that touched on my vulnerability and weakness. Hear me out - not that I believe it is bad to be a single parent or that single parents are weak. It simply isn't my ideal. And yes, it does expose my weaknesses. The reality is, I can't be and do what a husband and father would bring into our family. I face that truth constantly.
When faced with a season or reality that hits like that - we have two choices. We can avoid it and create some false kind of identity that appears strong on the outside. You know, pull ourselves up by the boot straps by golly and do it. OR we can embrace it and find the strength and beauty of life with Christ as our completion and his Body, our friends, as a supply of His amazing grace.
Practically speaking, being a single parent affects almost every decision I make - my work hours, social life, and availability. For others of you, it may be your health or the financial situation that you are currently in.
Rather than fighting it, I've found that as I have embraced it; I've found a current that has carried me down a stream to some of the greatest treasures in my life. The very thing that makes me weak has become a tool of freedom, allowing me to flow in who I am and the life I have been given to live.
This, is the good life. Not a life where everything is perfectly packaged in the ideal. Because sooner or later that is certain to fall short. But a life lived fully and freely as designed and given to be lived by our Creator.
A real life is a good life. Live yours today.
Direction is so much more important than speed. Many are going nowhere fast.
The Mississippi River flows to the Gulf of Mexico, carrying with it all the snow melt, rain, and property erosion of many different states. In fact, Iowa farmers have been sued due to the nutrient runoff that is carried downstream in the river. It never comes back or reverses it's course.
Rivers have a set direction that do not change. Once the course is set, so the water and everything in, on, and with it, goes.
Our lives are headed somewhere, too. The question is - have we set the direction for the outcome we want?
I can recall many specific 'crossroads' in my life. Some bigger, others smaller. Some due to natural life passages and others that were unexpected. Each time, a choice laid before me where I clearly knew what I decided would set a direction for my life. With each of these decisions came the all-important process of soul searching and 'owning' my life through the choices I would make.
Setting this direction built within me the determination on who I was going to be, what's most important to me, and where I was heading in life. It provided vision on a specific outcome that motivated me to persevere when challenging times would arise and provided resilience when I was knocked down.
At high school graduation, I faced a very familiar passage for all young adults... what now? There was no angel appearing to me to tell my God's plan, no miraculous set of events that opened a door, no driving desire of a specific career being my destiny, and not even parental pressure to make a specific choice. The world seemed so vast and open and my life so small. The options and responsibility facing me as a new adult were a bit overwhelming at the time.
I remember praying, writing out pro's and con's lists, talking with people, and still not feeling a whole lot of direction coming to me. Over and over again.
Eventually it hit me, I can choose. With what I have, who I am, and where I want my life to go - what do you want to do next, Becky? Suddenly it was clear. No, the angels weren't singing, and the stars didn't align pointing the direction out. The process had done its work on the inside and I knew what direction I wanted to go. And in the last 25 years, every crossroad has further processed that direction and vision for my life.
One thing I've found, is that the process works best when you ask the right questions in the right order. Here's what helps me when setting direction:
1) Who am I?"
2) What's most important to me?
3) How do I want to live?
3) What do I want to do?
Living your best life includes setting a direction by identifying the crossroads and owning your choices in life. As you embrace the process, surely you will find that there is a rhythm in your soul and you can live in sync with the cadence it sets. All that's left is cooperating with the Source of Life who unfolds his amazing wonders in our lives along the way.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
Every river has a source. A place where it begins and is defined a purpose. A place where it is 'fed' so it never runs dry.
In the same way, our lives need a source; an answer to the question "Why am I here?". Whether it be expressed as a proactive or a reactive question, we all ask it at some point or multiple points in life. Deep down we have a need for identity and purpose.
I believe our answer lies in the source of our lives. Where we begin and are consistently fed will determine everything about who we are, and from there what we believe and do. Have you determined your life source? The place where you are birthed, sustained, and fulfilled in life. Can you answer the "Why's" with assurance?
Our decision on this very matter determines much. For we take on the very nature and properties of our life source. There is no separation or distinguishing the water of the river from its source. It is one and the same. So it is with our lives.
I have found over and over again, the "why" is able to bear the "how" in our lives. When determining how to respond to the high's and low's and even the constant supply of ordinary days we face - our purpose makes the way forward.
As Paul puts it so well... "I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13
For some of us, maybe many of us, we do know our source of life. But we forget and live as if we need to muster up our lives all on our own. Whether you are deciding your source for the first time or the hundredth time, the best place to go is Christ. He is the well of life that never runs dry.
Living your best life is knowing your source and returning there often. May you find your deepest fulfillment in He who has made you and keeps you.
As many of you know, I moved this summer. In the endless sea of boxes, I recently came across my lucky baseball. Why is it my lucky baseball you ask? Well, several years ago at an Iowa Cubs baseball game, a foul ball was hit down the first base line and into the stands where we were sitting. As I talked with my friend, I observed two things happening simultaneously... the ball flying our direction and a few guys falling all over themselves and their seats as they attempted to position themselves for the catch. Next thing I knew, the ball hit the concrete aisle and the bounce sent it directly my way. Casually, almost nonchalently, I lifted my right hand and caught it. No standing, bending, or stretching. It was like the sweetest catch in all of baseball history (at least for me). I can still recall the shocked expression on the faces of the guys, who turned to see where the ball went.
As I reflected on this story, I began to think about it in light of prayer. How often we swing, strike, and hit prayers out there and wonder if they are being caught. Sure, there are evident base hits and I've even witnessed some home runs through the power of prayer. But just as likely, I've struck out and hit many a foul ball in my attempts to connect with God.
In pondering the effectiveness of my prayer life or lack thereof, the Holy Spirit brought a new image of playing ball to my mind. The picture of myself playing wiffle ball with my daughter Natalie and her friends. Where ALL the pressure is on the adult to make sure the ball hits the bat as it is pitched and balls are caught. I mean, haven't we all leaned in when pitching or playing catch with a young child said those words, "Let's move a little closer here." And we were only three feet away from each other at the time! Yep, done it.
Immediately, I knew this was a new picture of prayer God was trying to show me. An image where He has taken ALL the responsibility in making the connection with me. My prayers are heard and caught, every single one of them. Not because of me, but because of Him. This my friend is grace. Amazing grace. And there is no better way to live.
Living in sync doesn't mean you have it all together; it means you have learned how to lean into His amazing grace. Now that all the pressure is off... go enjoy the game.
Yesterday, I had a brief interaction with a 3-year-old who was sizing me up as a potential friend. After I enthusiastically cheered on her ability to do a back roll off the couch, she turned and asked her mom a question; which was then interpreted to me, "Do you speak Spanish?" Unfortunately, beyond a few words, I don't. So in all honesty, I replied, "No". And that, my friends, was basically the end. Off she went to play on her own and with her mom. She clearly did not have the time nor energy to invest in a friend who didn't speak her language.
Isn't this what we all want? Someone who speaks our language.
The challenge is, we don't get it. In God's vast wisdom and design, we find ourselves surrounded by people who don't speak our language in a myriad of ways... the opposite gender, someone of another generation, a different race, culture, religion, personality, background, and on and on it goes. The diversity is amazing and humbling. Yet frankly, at times, frustrating too.
If we are not careful, we respond similarly to the 3-year-old and quickly end or stunt these relationships. Why is this?
On some level, I think our initial human responses are to seek the path of least resistance. When we experience a different accent, words, clothing, or approach to a situation, we interpret it as a barrier that will slow down and/or affect us getting what we want. Then, our drive for self preservation kicks in and we determine the best way to handle this barrier is by knocking it over, going around it, or simply turning around and going a different route. A lot of this happens on a subconscious level, as our brain searches for the best way to move forward.
And you know what? The processing is generally true. Most times, it will slow us down and affect us getting what we want.
Today, I want to pause here and ask - what is a better choice when our self preservation mode kicks in? When all we can see, think and hear is why our way is the right way and the best way as a matter of fact. When it feels like we don't have the time or energy to deal with this person today.
Maybe we need to stop and realize that it is not all about us. Life, as we have been given, is the diversity and complexity we have in our relationships. And to live at our best is to embrace our differences as a gift to be received rather than a barrier to resist.
“We are each other's harvest; we are each other's business; we are each other's magnitude and bond.” ― Gwendolyn Brooks
Maybe there is a new question we can ask... "What language do you speak?"
Living in sync with our best lives is learning how to get outside of ourselves and our neat little world of people who are easy to get along with and embracing a friendship with someone very different from us. It is about being courageous enough to learn to speak someone else's language and build the bridge to a relationship that will not be possible if we don't. This is a rich harvest that cannot be experienced any other way in life.
Today, I ask myself as I ask you... Who in your life is different from you? Where is there a barrier in understanding? Start there. Your life will be much the richer.
